If this isn't funny, I don't know what is

photo: briankilgore.com

Who gets blamed more than Mayor Miller? Nobody, says the cast of Second City.

In the company’s most recent show, Shut Up and Show Us Your Tweets, which opened Tuesday, the cast satirizes a summer spent stepping over garbage, watching crazy conservatives south of the border criticize our health care system, and trying to decipher the meaning behind Mr. Miller’s tweets.

Who’s to blame for the bad weather, incessant protests, and dead American celebs? Our politicians, of course. In the show Harper, McGuinty, and Miller are all called out, followed by a laundry list of mistakes made by each.

As a quick preview, here’s a run-down of Miller’s misfortunes:

After being eaten alive for half-baked attempts to fulfill promises like providing green bins, supporting local artists, and preventing a bridge to the island David Miller’s face now seems to be melting into a long, dopey Sesame Bert. And we made him this way, the cast says: aging and grey.

Should we riot through the next 18 months of Miller’s rein? We could, but that would require a permit. Yawn.

Instead, suck it up, says Second City.

After all, the line is delivered: at least we’re not Buffalo.

High Park High

*photo by RussTimothy

Because High Park is   next on the list to join the rest of the city in its function as a dirty, smelly, communal waste bin, I figured I'd post some recently developed photos of High Park when it was at its best: autumn.

As Toronto's luck would have it, it's  Day 13 of the garbage strike. Mayor Miller says he   won't ask for any back-to-work legislation, which means Toronto's public pools will stay closed, strapped for cash parents will be forced to seek private forms of daycare, and the rest of us are as good as   garbage pail kids. 

What do the workers want? According to the   Globe:  job security, seniority rights and layoff provisions, contracting work in or out, advanced life-support training for paramedics, the inclusion of Family Day in the contract, wage increases, and the controversial sick-leave benefit, to name a few.

But the city is strapped for cash, and Toronto is not on anyone's bankroll. Ottawa still thinks we're its greedy, undeserving offspring, and the Bay street bucks have all but dried up. There simply isn't money to give, or so the city says.

Torontonians don't care who takes the trash, they just want it gone. Resident-run removal services like the aptly-named   Stanky Boys Garbage Removal have popped up all over Craigslist, offering to take your trash for as little as four bucks a bag, though such tax-free businesses are   highly illegal.

Privatized garbage removal may become much more the norm though, as the strike progresses. Both sides are trash-talking (pun intended), though little seems to be getting accomplished.

"I want to say to the unions and to the people they represent, enough is enough,"  Miller told the Globe on   Saturday. 

In response this   morning, Canadian Union of Public Employees (CUPE) spokesperson Pat Daley told another Globe Reporter,   "We had a problem in that until we actually went on strike, there wasn't much progress being made."

So contract negotiations, which require months of mud-slinging and name calling, have really only begun. This means the summer is sure to stink, and we have only two options. We can either stay inside, look at pictures of the recent past, and reminisce about better-scented days; or we can  prepare for when the rats start to bite.

I suggest the latter.