Thursday, July 31, 2008

Detox walk through Central Park.

We spent all week drinking cheap beer and wearing expensive outfits. We fawned over art, then got bored of it and turned our attention elsewhere. We waited all evening as if something were about to happen, and went to sleep realizing whatever was going to happen was already over, and we had most likely missed it. 

When the morning paper was delivered we were still up, and eager to read it. Our hair was wet from swimming and our legs showed scrapes from hopping the fence. When we finally decided to go home, normal people filled the streets with their Saturday morning smiles, clutching their coffees and walking their dogs. We still thought it was Friday. 

Later in the week we sat up watching movies and drinking tap water out of glasses that had a lingering smell of white wine. We let out our secrets as we exhaled from cigarettes, knowing there wasn't much left to reveal about ourselves. That's the problem with being honest: it's exhausting. 
It doesn't even matter that he's on CNN.

Everyone loves Anderson Cooper. Especially Kathy Griffin, and her fellow gay men. And thanks to our good friends at Gawker, we now have a montage of his gayest moments.

Anderson Cooper is so charming that women hit on him all the time, despite their suspicions. 

It's okay Anderson, we'll let you stay in the closet forever. Or at least as long as you keep it stocked with those crisp stylish suits we love.
Rory Gilmore, you've come so far.

It's nice to see a classy and pretty young lady breaking out of the small screen curse. Alexis Bledel won me over in Sin City and I'm hoping she's not going to end up a has-been Rachel-from-Friends type. I probably won't see either of the traveling pants films, but damn did she look good at the premiere:

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


There are a lot of mixed feelings about Feed The Animals. Many hate it. Others say its better than the first. The first time I saw Girl Talk was one of the best nights of my life. It was sweaty chaos, and when it was over we took the party to Lauren's hot tub, drank champagne and watched the sunrise. 

This time around, Gillis is in the limelight. He rode the mash-up band wagon to the top of the DJ circuit and enjoyed some mainstream success. So many people are into it that the next party in Toronto is at the unsightly Kool Haus. I usually refuse to see anyone there. Its far away, its always crowded and the staff are jerks. But this party is tempting. Girl Talk is fun music for fun people.

If you don't like it, don't dance.

You Can Do No Wrong.

Marc Jacobs hates being in the public eye. He rarely grants interviews, and when he does agree to talk to reporters, he seems awkward. Awkward, yet likeable. By perfecting a standoffish attitude he's managed to avoid scandal, but this weekend he made it into the gossip pages:

Page Six reports:

MARC Jacobs is a newlywed. The designer and his hot Brazilian love, Lorenzo Martone, were married in a civil solidarity pact Sunday in France. "He's totally excited," said an insider. "He said he's head-over-heels in love with Lorenzo. His life is coming together now." Civil solidarity pacts were instituted in France in 1999, but they are not legally binding. Jacobs isn't taking his honeymoon yet - he's busy with his show for New York Fashion Week in September.

Reps from Louis Vuitton deny the story. But a wedding might be in order; approval ratings for Martone are high. Linkedin claims Lorenzo is an ad exec for Chandelier Creative New York, a company creates marketing for every brand from Old Navy to the W Hotel. I think most people are just excited Jacobs is no longer dating Jason Preston, the hipster who tattooed the MJ logo on his arm.

If they do tie the knot, I hope they wear matching bow-ties again.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Paris Hilton in a Horror Opera. How could that be bad?

Here's my round up on what the celebrities you love to hate have been up to lately:

Trailers are out for Repo: The Genetic Opera. Paris Hilton sings and acts in this movie, though I hear she has a small role. I am probably the only one that thinks this movie is going to be good.

Samantha Ronson wants everyone to know she digs Ali Lohan's new single. Ronson denied rumours on her blog that she refused to play Ali's single in recent DJ sets. What's important about this story? Ali has an awkward accent and sounds a sexist twit when she speaks, and her sister was more fun before rehab. 

John Mayer cut his hair in support of the troops. Ok, I made that up. He chose a buzzcut out of bad taste, not patriotism. He still looks cute. 

Pete Doherty has to pay up for the paparazzi's camera he busted. He's moved on from macking on Slimehouse, and is hanging out with the lovely Coco Sumner. Thank god he's back to sleeping with models

That's it for the morning. Enjoy your weekend hangovers.

Monday, July 28, 2008

In Nick Hornby's High Fidelity, Rob comes to the conclusion that it's not what you like, but what you're like that's important.

This is hard for me to shake into my head. I spent my formative years on the prairies where those who shared my interests were few and far in between. No one wanted to come over and watch Fashion Television with me; they were busy driving ATVs and shooting pop cans with rifles.

I developed a bit of complex.

Thankfully my skateboarder friends saved me from being stuck with rednecks, and I learned to blend in, most of the time. (It turns out I'm quite good with a shotgun).

But I still needed to be around people who had subscriptions to the same magazines as me. A few apartments later, I now find myself surrounded by people I consider to have excellent taste.

Asking someone their favourite books or artists became an easy way to sort through heaps of people and discover which of them I wanted to spend more time with.

After all:

“It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.”

Hornby is right. I've tried dating someone on the other end of the taste spectrum, and at a certain point it had to end. But I learned if someone doesn't like the same music, art or architecture you, it doesn't make them uncool. It may even make them interesting to be around, and they can teach you new things.

What you're like wins in what's important in friends and in dates. So next time I'm out and someone wants to talk about The Hills, I'll give them a listen. But if it lasts more than five minutes, I'll hail a cab and settle for going home alone.

Friday, July 25, 2008

When it rains, it pours.

I was starting to think this summer has been the wettest ever. Then my suspicions were confirmed. But despite the downpour, there are ways to have fun. Sarah and I promise. Here are some more ways to fight the rain.
A guide to an evening out in the rain:

1. Bring a comb. Your hair has seen better days.

2. Pack an umbrella. If you forget, a t-shirt will suffice. 

3. Go out anyways. And don't skip the after-party either. 

4. Don't worry. Everyone looks like a soggy mess. Indulge in it.

Coffee in hand, here is my own personal morning news round up:

My boy Nas' record is Number 1 on the Billboard 200. How did he celebrate? A protest on the front steps of Fox News, of course. Remember in the '90s when rappers only had beef with other rappers? Then O'Reilly had to go and say Nas was "nothing short of a gun-toting, murder inciting criminal."  Oh Really O'Reilly? Watch Nas talk about the beef on Colbert on Youtube.

Remember Ashley Dupre? I had almost forgotten too. The call girl who helped Eliot Spitzer destroy his career is back. This time she's been hanging around with Thomas Earle. Stay tuned, the whole ordeal is very Pretty Woman. Doesn't anyone care if they get herpes anymore?

David Beckham paid a visit to Toronto yesterday to play in the All Star game. Unfortunately, Beckham had to see that Toronto FC fans have no class. The crowd booed Star-Spangled Banner. Grow up kids. 

Just when you thought the Internet was safe. Powerhouse Google is about to nab up networking news site Digg. The deal may cost Google as much as $200 million. A word to the kind folks at Google: I'll sell you my blog for half that. 

Athletes from Iraq have been banned from the Beijing Olympics due to politics, causing everyone to wonder when they are going to ban athletes from Beijing from the Beijing Olympics. 

Everyone's favourite mess Tricia Walsh Smith has posted another Youtube video chronicling her divorce. Apparently Kathy Lee Gifford wants her dead. Newsflash Tricia: Kathy Lee Gifford probably isn't the only one who wants you dead. When will she learn that her online video diary is no match for her ex-husbands powerful lawyers?

And last but not least, the mini-celebrities over at Disney are fighting again. I have $5 that says Miley is going to loose an eye. 
Every girl needs one.

This is Oklahoma republican state legislator Sally Kern's favourite accessory, a handgun. Kern was busted (for the second time) trying to bring a gun into Capitol yesterday. Her response? "Aw, I forgot."

In the 80s, Jack Anderson almost lost his press credentials when he brought a gun into Capitol for a TV show on terrorism. Now Kerns does it twice and gets to brush it off like a misunderstanding? 

Did I mention this is the same nutbar who said gays are a bigger threat than terrorists? The backwards conservative is probably just mad her son's a queen

Crazy republicans. 

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Gerard Way: Beware of Russia.

According to

"Legislation is currently being formulated in Russia to heavily regulate emo websites and ban emo and goth dress style in schools and government buildings."

Silly Russians. Emo kids skip school to hang out at the mall. How about an emo ban there? 

In response, mass protests were held by emo kids around Russia. I couldn't make this up if I tried. Don't you wish you were a Russian leader so you could ban all the things you don't like? 

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Culture Consume Soup.

Who says consuming is a bad thing? Other than Al Gore, David Suzuki, Karl Marx, Jane Jacobs, The Yes Men, Naomi Klein, Ralph Nader and the rest of those crazy activists over the years. In an effort to consume more of the right things, here's a list of some of the stuff I'm into this week.

Banksy: The man behind the mask has been revealed. Does that take away from the mystique of the work? Maybe a bit. Does it make it any less cool to look at? Nope.

Augusten Burroughs' Running With Scissors. Burroughs' writing style will pull you in. I couldn't put this book down all week.

The Murakami exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum closed last Sunday, but the Gagosian will have his work included in an exhibit thats open until August 22. Now if I could only afford to buy My Lonesome Cowboy (above) to put in my home.

It's 1994 again. Mary-Kate O is hardly in this film, which may be a good thing, and may be a bad thing. Either way, the film is great, and Method Man rules.

I know all the hype this week is about Batman. And I know no one from the cast of Hellboy II has recently died, but this movie is seriously worth checking out. Blood, guts and comics. Can't go wrong.

Club Monaco. Bow-ties, vests, suspenders, and blazers in a classic black and white. What more could one ask for? Colour? Casual wear? The return of Joe Mimran? Pish-posh.
Video games just got a little gayer. 

If you are still subscribing to the myth that gamers are pale 14-year-old geeks with bad skin, you need to catch up on the times. The average gamer is over 30. Video games are a major cultural industry, and just about everyone plays some sort of game. There is such a culture around video games that gaming tournaments fill up stadiums in Asia. Pro gamers are treated like rockstars. Even in Canada, there are pro gamers who make six figures. I met the guys from the AMP energy pro team a couple of weeks ago, and I promise you, they are not 80's style geeks with glasses

That said, I'm a little skeptical about the assumption that if companies design the right game, anyone will play. This morning I read that Clueless, Pretty In Pink and Mean Girls are getting turned into video games. Who does Paramount think is going to buy these games? Are the 30-and-40-something ladies that aspired to be Alicia and Molly really going to go for this? And will you do in the games? Shop? Gossip? Feel insecure? 

I think I'll stick to Wii Golf and watching my friends play Halo. 


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The night is never over.

The weekend won. It's Tuesday morning and I still have bloodshot eyes, bedhead and I am gripping my coffee cup just a little too hard. 

All Families Are Psychotic 

Sometimes you look at a family and wonder how two people could possibly share the same DNA. If you don't know us very well, this is how my sister and I appear. She's a small town girl who watches Grey's Anatomy and worries about crime. I live in a smoggy city, eat after party appetizers and call it dinner and make friends with the homeless people outside Tim Horton's. To say the least, we are very different people.

She has never understood the music or art I like, and is usually casually embarrassed to be seen with me on the street, depending on what I am wearings. However, she's probably most dedicated and reliable person I know, perhaps other than my father. Plus, our mutual friends will explain we have the exact same mannerism, about explicitly different things. And a few of her friends keep telling her that I seem cool, so maybe she'll come around. 

Here's to you big sis. You're the maggie to my Jake. 

She actually knows how to play tennis.
I just like the outfits.
Smells Like Teen Spirit.

As an intern, I keep my eyes peeled for intern-gossip in the news. In previous years interning was thought of as a professional coffee running business. Then LC made it the it-career to have on The Hills, and suddenly the job had a little more glamour. In Toronto Shanae Grimes was even pitching in at Fashion Television before she landed her 90210 gig. Better believe she's not working for free anymore (and I guess we won't be seeing her at L'Oreal Fashion Week anymore either..)

This summer my friends and peers have been dispersed to Teen Vogue, Chatelaine, Interview and St. Joesph's Media, the company that publishes Fashion and Toronto Life. We will all tell you that despite the perks (there are some, we swear) life as an intern is nothing like The Hills. Adam was the star of a weekly blog on FT's website documenting what he wore to the office, but that's nothing compared to the cool points the newest celebrity intern at Rolling Stone grew up with. 

It's hard not to be cool when you're dad spearheaded grunge, and your mom has a reputation as America's biggest trainwreck. Frances Bean has taken time out of her busy schedule posing for Harper's to help out at the Rolling Stone office. But according to Page Six's "insiders" Frances "doesn't get coffee for anyone" and "calls in sick all the time and wears funny outfits." If she had my job, she'd probably get fired. But as much as I love my gig, I have to admit, Beaner is probably a little too cool to fill my shoes. 

As far as the funny outfits go, I'm betting that part is true. Based on previous experience of course:

(Just an educated guess)

Frances should have asked if the stylist from Harper's could have given her an outfit or two to take home.

That said, as long as she doesn't start dressing (or acting) like her mom, I'll leave the poor girl alone. Happy interning Beaner, it's nice to have you on the team.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Time Machine.

Ultra Short Term Nostalgia: Homesickness for the extremely recent past: "Things seemed so much better in the world last week."

I want to skip out on work and spend the afternoon in bed reading Generation X, again.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Happy Birthday To My Favourite Scientologist. 

What do birthday celebrations for a Scientologist include? 

First: Get ready. Looking great is a must for every Scientologist. You never know who will show up to your party. Katie's bob is a lot to compete with.

Next: Pre drinks while watching Cocktail. Every time Tommy-boy mixes a drink, so do you. 

Then: Bible Dips in L. Ron Hubbard's Scientology: The Fundamentals of Thought. Find out what the next year has in store. (, $12.00)

Later: Party favours. I hear that Will Smith likes to give out Gift Cards for the church. How did JC not think of those?

Before the night's over: Get down. Everyone knows a Scientologist likes to dance. Jump up on the couch and boogie. 

The Next Morning: Press snooze and sleep in. You're going to need some rest if you want to take over the world. When your parents call to see how everything went, ignore the calls. After all, they were the ones who sent you to that pesky Catholic boarding school. Why couldn't you just have gone to a regular Scientology school, like all your friends?

Whatever mom, Scientology rules!

Quiet Sounds for Angry Guys. 
(Angry Sounds for Quiet Guys)

Last night I went to see my good friend David play in his band Siberia. I haven't been to that type of music for a few years, but I'll always support a friend. Listen to his band, they sound like a subtle but impending doom is approaching, and I'm into that. It's what Don Delillo's White Noise would sound like if it could make music. 

If you like it, there is a show at the Reverb on the 31st. I know what your thinking, ("The Reverb? Really?") but I need a date, so come along.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Don't talk down to children.

Last night Max & Cameron took me to help out at a garden for kids. I'm pretty much useless at physical labour but a little boy told me all about his Spiderman race-track, and I am a very good listener. 

Adults have a complex understanding of the world, while children look at what is in front of them and understand it innately. If we spent more time listening to them, there is a lot we could learn. 

Next Canadian election, I'm going to ask this girl if she will move up here and run. Waterguns for everyone!
Dear Christopher Sherman: Thanks for existing. 

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I have a new obsession. 

When Team Epic was released I was excited. It promised campy Canadian superhero goodness. Unfortunately it turned out to be a big steamy load of Canadian-content garbage. Then this morning I stumbled across Dr. Horrible's sing-along blog, one of the only good things to come out of the writer's strike. It's cheesy, smart & has Neil Patrick Harris in it, what more can you ask for?

Tights, sing-alongs and a bad-guys-are-good mentality: Dr. Horrible has it all. Dr. Horrible is what would happen if I met my 13-year-old self at a comic book shop and teamed up to make an internet mini-series. 

The site says it plans to release it via pay-for-download and DVD later, but until Sunday it's streaming free. Get it while the cost is nothing kids. They have to pay Harris sometime, I have a feeling those Malcolm in the Middle checks are running out.  
The most romantic lovers to be recreated in the 90s. 

Every Tuesday this summer Futureshop is showing free movies in Dundas Square. Last night we showed up for the 4th edition to see Baz Luhrmann's Romeo & Juliet. Considering I was eight when this movie was released, there was a lot I didn't catch the first time around. Like the fact that Romeo was hopped up on ecstasy when he met Juliet. Of course he loved her, he was on drugs. He probably also loved the way his hands felt when they touched his face. 

Seeing a movie outdoors was fun, it was kind of like an urban drive-in. It would have been even more fun if Jack Astor's patio wasn't playing such bad music so loudly. There is nothing like watching two lovebirds commit suicide while Rihanna blasts over a tacky empty patio. One more reason to avoid JA's. 

However, the night was a success. Genna got to relive her first kiss, and I got Oreo Yogenfruz. Plus, the movie offered an important lesson: if Romeo and Juliet had been out watching a movie with friends instead of chasing love, they probably wouldn't have died.

People were generally annoyed with our banter.
The first kiss.
The crowd was, erm.. diverse. We almost offered this woman $20 and a pack of cigarettes for her sequin blazer.
I have to say something.

Everyone has chipped in their two cents. I have been trying to avoid the response to this cover all day. But it's everywhere. It has engulfed me. I have been reading the columns, articles and letters with one eye closed, pretending that if I don't indulge in it, the hype will go away. 

It won't. And maybe it shouldn't. The purpose of this cover was clearly to be thought-provoking, but it has ended up shit disturbing. Everyone has pulled out the PR stops and condemned the illustration in an attempt to avoid bad press. 

What this has me asking is, how is this possibly such a big deal? Have we not spent the past two US presidential terms mocking the cocaine-snorting, trigger-happy, rednecked Texan sitting in the White House? The Comedy Network has pretty much survived on Bush jokes over the past few years. Before that late night talk shows dedicated half of their air time to billy-blow-job jokes. Why is Obama so taboo?   

It's because he's black. And because of that comfy baritone voice he has that makes everything seem like it's going to be okay. It's also because he's undeniably likeable, and we don't want to laugh at his expense. And because people want to believe he's going to make some sort of a change, and they think anything (even a joke) could hurt his chances at becoming president. 

Obama's a big boy, I'm sure he can take a joke. Is this tasteless? Arguably. A great illustration? Not by a long shot. Is it funny? Probably, as long as we can remember we're allowed to laugh. 

If I could offer Remnick some advice while everyone whines about his publication, it would be to remember that if you're not pissing anyone off, you're probably not doing anything worthwhile. And no apologies please. Stick to your guns. You're the New Yorker, you'll do what you want.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Those who say alcohol is liquid courage,
have never tried the powder form.

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Secret to a Lifetime of Happiness. 

Fun. If you're not having any, why bother? With that in mind, here is my guide to having fun on a music festival vacation, even if it rains the entire time. 

Step 1: Empty everything from your tent. Try to re-organize everything into dry places, but avoid doing so when it's raining outside on all your stuff.
Step 2: Find the closest second hand shop. Matching jackets fix almost everything.

Step 3: When all of this fails, check into a hotel. Use someone else's credit card if possible, and make sure there is a pool. Once the pizza is delivered, your perspective will return.

Step 4: Call up some friends and go dancing. If you order enough drinks, you will forget you were ever cold and damp. 

Wednesday, July 09, 2008


Nigger drops on Tuesday (yes, Sarah, new music is still released on Tuesdays). The album has been renamed 'Untitled', but we all know the name. He wore it across his chest at the Grammy's

I'll stand behind pretty much anything my man Nas does, and I'm standing behind this. Because he's right. I don't care how many liberal minded white kids are running into Urban Outfitters and picking up Obama tees. To the people who own the store, he's still a nigger. 

I love the idea of a post-racial America, the same way I love the idea of a post-racial Canada. But it's not a reality. Go where I grew up and try to tell me Canadians don't discriminate. There blacks are niggers, gays are faggots and anyone from the middle east is a towel head. Let's not ban the words that make us feel uncomfortable. If we're uncomfortable, there's a reason why. Like Kelis said, many years ago John Lennon put out "women are the niggers of the world", and it hasn't changed. 

When it comes to "nigger", Nas has a lot to rap about. He'll turn the word on its head. And if he's calling that kind of attention to himself, you know he's got something to say. You heard the last album, and the one before that. 

And Brooke Anderson needs to do her research. Why is hip-hop dead Brooke? 

If you're askin' - Why is hip-hop dead? Its a pretty good chance you're the reason it died. 
Sometimes I see people in public I think I know.

It turns out that everyone everywhere just looks the same. 

In the spirit of Fringe I wanted to share this experiment I stumbled across online today. The video takes me back to my street improv days, of which there were two. During the first I got into a screaming match with my friend Amy, over our imaginary break-up. We scared an entire patio of club-goers as she slapped me (hard) across the face and I screamed that she was a cheater.

The second time I participated in street theatre was by accident. One minute I was shopping in downtown Glasgow and the next I was on an street impromptu date with an well dressed Scandinavian boy, much to the delight of the nearby pedestrians. He offered me a seat at a tiny table covered by a checkered tablecloth and topped with a flower. He gave me a box of sea shell chocolates and a Marlboro light, and asked me,

"What's the most important thing in the world? Is it happiness?" 

I had to admit, I really wasn't sure.

Either way, the homeless people heckled us until we agreed to sing "Wonderwall" with them, and the tourists took pictures. And that my friends, is what street theatre is all about. 
Breakfast in Oban, Scotland.

There is nothing like a break. Whether its 5 minutes outside for a cigarette or two years bumming around Thailand, everyone needs a break. That's why they have Kit-Kats. It's also why I am heading home tomorrow. 

I miss watching the swans peck at garbage while I eat fish and chips from newspaper wraps in sleepy towns in Scotland, but I also miss eating left overs and drinking beer with my parents late at night. My parents live in the sleepiest town of them all.

Though they spent the weekend salsa dancing in Vegas, my bets are saying that they are outside on their big deck watching as nothing happens on their sprawling lawn. My mom is sun-tanning, and my dad is reading non-fiction. He is preparing my camping supplies, and my mom is packing economic size bottles of sunscreen, worrying I will get skin-cancer.

And I am stuck sitting at my desk, daydreaming about the outdoors.