Not in those pecks

Bruno is overblown. Tucked behind a sandy surfer blond wig, Sacha Baron Cohen's face is everywhere. It's in magazines, on television, and all over the internet. And upon first glance, I thought he'd gotten an age-old marker of celebrity: his very own got milk? ad. 

Then, upon a closer inspection, I realized the latest got milk? ad wasn't an insider corporate spoof promoting both milk and a movie. It's just another healthy-boned athlete. Snooze. Sure, my confusion can be praised as a sign the 15 minutes American got gay are finally coming to an end. But while a Bruno-based got milk? ad would have signaled cultural stupidity, one featuring Dara Torres is simple bad business.

The got milk? brand was outdated enough before dragging viewers back eleven months to a time when Michael Jackson was alive, George Bush was president, and Whitney Port still lived in the Hills. Now, its asking Americans to remember why they very briefly loved Torres and is expecting placing her in a sea of water will make consumers want to drink milk. 

Even the heftiest of Olympians are only bankable spokespeople for a short period of time, before we go back to not caring about swimmers, weight-lifters, and badminton players. Sure, Dara Torres defeated all odds by qualifying at the again of 41,  again. But almost a year has gone by since her yawn-inducing second place swim-win. 

She disappeared into the pool of public adoration, sinking while Michael Phelps swam. But even Phelps turned out to be a  big douche, though a minor hit with the  stoner segment of Subway customers. Don't advertisers get it? No one loves an Olympian. 

I never thought I'd say it, but when faced with the option of boyish bikini-clad Olympians, I want Bruno back. 

Sorry Dara, just swim away.