A gentleman caller

There are certain things a gentleman simply does not do. A gentleman does not adjust his crotch in public. If he does not see an ashtray, he does not smoke. And, in the workout room, a gentleman does not hog the weights.

Of course, there are other things a gentleman does indeed do. He uses a coaster. He refills any ice tray he uses, keeps an umbrella in his car, and realizes condoms are his responsibility. A gentleman reads a daily newspaper, preferably the New York Times, at least three times a week. And if there is no polish involved, a gentleman occasionally has a manicure.

There comes a time in every man’s life when his mother isn’t around anymore, writes American editor John Bridges. This is where his book comes in. How To Be A Gentleman is, as Bridges writes, A contemporary guide to common courtesy. Though he instructs his readers on best practice when it comes to such new world technologies as e-mail, Bridges writes from a world where gentlemen still rule. Here, “please” and “thank you” are the magic words, the simplest statements are the most eloquent, “casual” varies with the season, and an open fly never requires an apology.

Bridges guides his reader through elegant dinner parties, trips on airplanes, weddings, and evenings at the theatre. He handles even the trickiest of situations, such as how to deal with non-drinkers and serving dinner to vegetarians.

His aim is to inform the reader he too can become the type of man who does not brag, whine, or make idle threats. The type who knows to keep an apology simple, refuses to hold a grudge, and understands a social kiss is not an erotic experience. Over one hundred and fifty neatly spaced pages, Bridge teaches the essentials: how to make a toast, when to take a gift, and how to say, “I’m sorry.” And if a man is to stay a gentleman, he’s got to follow Bridges’ rules.

Some rules are sartorial. A gentleman never wears a tuxedo before six o’clock, no matter what anyone else does. He ties his own tie (especially if it is a bow tie, and especially if it is black), never wears belts when he is wearing suspenders, and colours his hair under no circumstances. When a gentleman feels the urge to colour his moustache, he shaves his moustache off.

The rules are written with the type of subtle, sensible humour a gentleman might use. For instance, Bridges writes that when a gentleman outgrows his clothes, he gives them away to charity. He does not pretend that someday he will loose weight. When, and if, he does lose weight, he certainly will not want to celebrate by wearing out of date clothes.

Other rules dictate table manners. A gentleman never crunches on his ice cubes, except in the privacy of his home. If he is on a diet, he does not talk about it at the table. He never salts his food before tasting it, for he would never insult the cook in that way. And, Bridges writes, a gentleman does not attempt to change the opinions of his dinner companions. A seated dinner is not a debate tournament.

A gentleman never claims to have seen a movie he has not seen or to have read a book about which he has only read reviews. A gentleman may not be able to dance a samba, but he should e capable of a fox-trot, which is almost like not dancing at all. In matters of politics or religion, a gentleman does not assume that everyone believes what he believes. And unless he is teaching an English class, a gentleman does not correct another person’s grammar.

But, no matter how well he polishes perfection, the gentleman’s goal is to make life easier for others, or so I have inferred. With that, may Bridges and I leave you with a single, underlying rule: A gentleman never gets so big that he can feel free to say or do things that make other people feel small.

*Obviously, or perhaps not, many sentences in this blog have been directly lifted from Mr. Bridges' book for the sake of cohesion and maintaining meaning.