Happy Birthday To My Favourite Scientologist. 

What do birthday celebrations for a Scientologist include? 

First: Get ready. Looking great is a must for every Scientologist. You never know who will show up to your party. Katie's bob is a lot to compete with.

Next: Pre drinks while watching Cocktail. Every time Tommy-boy mixes a drink, so do you. 

Then: Bible Dips in L. Ron Hubbard's Scientology: The Fundamentals of Thought. Find out what the next year has in store. (Truthbooks.com, $12.00)

Later: Party favours. I hear that Will Smith likes to give out Gift Cards for the church. How did JC not think of those?

Before the night's over: Get down. Everyone knows a Scientologist likes to dance. Jump up on the couch and boogie. 

The Next Morning: Press snooze and sleep in. You're going to need some rest if you want to take over the world. When your parents call to see how everything went, ignore the calls. After all, they were the ones who sent you to that pesky Catholic boarding school. Why couldn't you just have gone to a regular Scientology school, like all your friends?

Whatever mom, Scientology rules!